I hate the feeling of suppressing a thought that should've come out of
my mouth, with apprehension that not having done so will most likely
reflect badly upon me in some angle. I sometimes feel like I have to
put on that happy face or cheer in my voice when at that particular
moment I'm anything but. I vaguely recall an essay I had to write in
college about "wearing masks" and "playing parts," something that
people in the business world often have to do in order to adapt to their
surroundings and situations, whether it be with coworkers or clients.
It definitely extends beyond the workplace though to our daily lives,
whether we realize it or not.
Maybe it's not a mask per se - an
identity that is not at all yours, but a facet of your personality that
does exist, with you bringing it out when you see fit, even though
underneath that mask, your mind and heart express something completely
different. Why is this? I guess instinctively to put up a defense for
ourselves, but at the same time, to protect those who we might hurt if
we chose to disagree instead of agree, or bluntly tell the truth instead
of that little white lie. Is it a sense of selflessness? Who knows.
We could just be watching our own backs. In the end all parties will be
affected somehow. Maybe it's unreasonable, but that's just the way it
is. It's a horrible feeling.
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